Pub Quiz
“Did you know the Chinese invented gunpowder?” said Ifield.
“I bet they didn’t invent fish frying,” I said. I’d asked Ifield if he knew if any of the local Chinese chippies did an edible fried fish. “Anyway, what’s the Chinese inventing gunpowder got to do with it?”
“I was just saying. It’s just something I know.”
Ifield doesn’t know a great deal so he can hardly be blamed for speaking out when he does know something, so I just said, a little sarcastically: “Is the answer to the question ‘Is there is a local Chinese chippy who do an edible fried fish?’ another thing you know, by any chance?”
He thought for a moment then said: “That’s hardly likely to come up as a question in a pub quiz, is it?”
“And the Chinese’s invention of gunpowder did?”
“No.”
“Then why are you going on about it?”
“I’m not. It’s just that it’s my turn to set the questions for our pub quiz this week and that’s one of he questions I’ve picked – ‘Who invented gunpowder?’ I bet nobody gets it, I thought it was Guy Fawkes.” (I did say he doesn’t know much, didn’t I).
I wasn’t going pursue the matter any further, as advice on the comparative merits of fried fish from somebody who thinks Guy Fawkes invented gunpowder is bound to be suspect at the very least, but then an idea struck me. “You could set it as one of the questions.”
“What?”
“For your pub quiz. ‘Which local Chinese chippy does decent fried fish?”
“It’s quite obvious you’ve never had to set pub questions, Sawyer.” said Ifield, with the beginnings of a superior smirk on his face.
“I’m sorry?”
“Well in order to set a question I have to know the answer, don’t I.”
I thought for a moment. “Put the Crispy Cod. Or any of the other Chinese Chippies; it doesn’t matter. The object of the exercise is to get a consensus of opinion. The chippy that gets the most votes is obviously the best.”
He refused and made the point that the question setting must be scrupulously fair and the integrity of the question-setter beyond reproach, but his opposition magically disappeared after I’d bought him a couple of pints in the Red Fox at lunchtime and he agreed to do it. It should be well worth it as it will save me trawling round the other four Chinese chippies.
Sawyer the Lawyer
