In Court take 2
I think about the sweet-stealing boy case yesterday and how it might have turned out if it had been me speaking up in the boy’s defence instead of Mr Shithouse. It would have gone something like this -
Is there anything to be said in the boy’s defence asks the Magistrate.
The boy pleads that it couldn’t have been him because he doesn’t like sweets, I say.
The Magistrate looks incredulous. A small boy who doesn’t like sweets? Well if he is, he’s the first small boy I’ve ever come across who doesn’t like sweets!
Well that is the case, Your Honour. In fact to accuse my client of stealing sweets is not only scurrilous and wicked but a stain on his previously unblemished character, as he would never have cause to steal sweets.
Indeed, Mr Sawyer? And why is that?
Because the boy is a diabetic, Your Honour. A fact that the Crown Prosecution Service could easily have discovered for themselves had they bothered to ask.
And that would have been that. A verdict of Not Guilty. Because in the unlikely circumstances of the prosecution challenging my claim that the boy was a diabetic at such a late juncture, and had managed to disprove it, I would simply have said that the boy believed himself to be a diabetic because his mother had told him he was, so he wouldn’t eat sweets and ruin his teeth. I’m sure the boy and his mother would have gone along with this if I know anything about defendants.
Now what I would have done isn’t strictly legal of course. But it happens. I take the view that if I’m representing a client it’s up to me to do my very best for him and if that means being economical with the truth sometimes in order to do what’s best by him then so be it. And I’m not the only lawyer to think that way by a long stretch. In fact there are many people who would be doing a long stretch if it wasn’t for the fact that there are lawyers who think like I do. Some defendants get away with murder. Literally. And while I don’t think I’d go so far as to try to get somebody off a murder charge if I thought he was guilty the poor kid yesterday was only trying to nick a few sweets from Woolworths, and we’ve all done that haven’t we.
I consider telling the above to Mr Shithouse but in the end I don’t as it would be a waste of breath.
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