Brain Damage
“I’m brain damaged. I got brain damaged in an accident at work about two years ago,” said Mr Davis, in reply to my asking him what Nesbitt, Nesbitt & Anderson could do for him. “I was going to get compensation, the firm I worked for admitted it was due to their negligence, there was no problem, but they’ve been taken over since then and the new owners have written to me telling me my accident has got nothing to do with them.”
I’ve done quite a bit of injuries in the workplace compensation claims and I was able to set his mind at rest immediately. “Not so, Mr Davis. Not a bit of it. In the event of one firm taking over another the firm taking over also takes over the previous firm’s liabilities in matters like this,” I said impressively. “They’re trying to con you, I’ll soon sort them out, just leave it with me.”
He thanked me profusely. I was interested to know the extent of his brain damage and how it manifested itself as he seemed quite a sensible sort to me, so I asked him.
“I keep doing things twice,” he replied. “Like I’ll mow the lawn and forget I’ve done it and an hour later I’ll mow it again. I realise I must have already done it once because it doesn’t want doing and there are grass clippings on the path,” he explained. “And sometimes I’ll make myself a spot of breakfast; egg, bacon and tomato usually. Mushrooms sometimes. Then an hour later I’ll make another one.”
“How do you know you’ve already had one?”
“Well I’m not hungry, and I leave half of it, and that’s not like me, I have a very good appetite. And there’s the dirty plate and knife and fork from the first breakfast if I haven’t put them in the dishwasher, that gives it away as well. Then there’s sex of course. Like I tap up the wife and an hour later I’m tapping her up again.”
I was tempted to tell him that tapping up their partner for sex when they’ve already had it an hour previously was normal behaviour for most men but I saw that the business was upsetting to him and I didn’t want to upset him any more so I didn’t mention it. Then I took a few details off him and sent him on his way, as happy as Larry.
An hour later he was back. He’d forgotten he’d been! Our complete conversation had been wiped from his memory. I went through it all again, put his mind at rest again, and sent him on his way again, as happy as another Larry. Old Mr Nesbitt, Mr Shithouse and Ifield were in the office at the time and when Mr Davis had gone we all had a good laugh about it. Mr Shithouse said we should charge him twice. Well he would.
Sawyer he Lawyer.
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